LETS STOP ALL THEM THERE ILLEGAL ALIENS!

In news from The Confederacy, an alien will become a United States citizen.

According to sources, a wookiee named Chewbacca will become a naturalized citizen of the U.S. during a ceremony Monday. Born in Kashyyyk, Chewbacca first emerged as a noted intergalactic figure as Han Solo's hairy, growling sidekick aboard the Millennium Falcon starship in several episodes of "Star Wars."

"I've always been interested in the cowboys and the history of the West and the history of America, so it wasn't so bad," said Peter Mayhew, who portrayed Chewbacca in the movies and who will become a citizen next week.

Upon hearing the news, a legislator from Colorado immediately introduced legislation to halt the immigration of illegal space aliens into the United States.

The legislator called his legislation "a step that will protect red-blooded Americans against the threat of hairy, growling sidekicks. If we allow wookiees to come willy-nilly into our country, there will be no stopping the dark lords of Sith from pouring in."

Unfortunately, the wookiee backlash is not contained to Colorado.

In New York City, for instance, transit officials stepped up subway security after receiving intelligence from space that evil wookiees have hatched a nefarious plan.

"The city is gripped with fear and paranoia," declared the mayor.

Homeland Security agents raised the alert level to whatever color means "severe danger."

Representatives from the Vigilante Wingnut Coalition of Arizona armed themselves with telescopes and fluttering flags to initiate a citizen space watch program designed to protect Americans against an invasion of illegal immigrant wookiees. Coalition officials said they hope to stem the tide of madmen wookiee terrorists who trek across the Sonoran Desert with bedrolls and bombing devices intent on wreaking havoc on the American way.

At CNN, Lou Dobbs broadcast a two-hour special devoted to the growing trend of job displacement in America's industrial sector titled "Widgets & Wookiees."

In California, where an increasing number of wookiees have been employed as strawberry pickers and hospitality workers, voters enacted laws that would eliminate educational opportunities to wookiee offspring and to ban public services to "brown furry immigrants who speak with a growl."

Efforts to enforce existing federal laws that would impose huge fines against employers who hire wookiees have mysteriously been suspended.

"Sure, they might be a threat to our way of life," said an industry analyst, "but wookiees are willing to work real hard for virtually no pay. And as long as the threat of deportation hangs over them, they don't complain. They're good for the economy."

In Texas, representatives from a wookiee settlement near Waco reported they have been harassed and attacked by what he called a "toothless band of drawlers."

A spokesman for the toothless band of drawlers said Texans are upset that wookiees are "taking all them good-paying jobs from us."

Overwhelmed immigration officials, sensing a trend, have asked Congress for an additional $300 billion to hire and train more "space patrol agents."

Angry Congressional leaders rejected the immigration officials' request, and instead authorized a $500 billion loan package that will improve economic conditions in Kashyyyk.